In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize