I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh god it's open bar.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
