So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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