I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
are you so shy because you have an std?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
