theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
operation harelip BJ is a go
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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