I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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