From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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