My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
