Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
