Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
