you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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