please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
