planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize