so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize