just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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