I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
