every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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