dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
