I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Someone came in the potted fern
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
