my mouth tastes like poor choices
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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