i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
