rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize