so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
