i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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