I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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