also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
