i jhust puked up my retainher.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
