it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
