What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
