im having a threesome with these popsicles
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
