I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
