i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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