They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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