Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
