My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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