i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
