Where did you get a picture of my penis
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
