she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
