Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
