This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
