I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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