Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was born a porn star she said
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
