Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
