He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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