This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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