i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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