You're earring is so big in my mouth
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
