just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So much rum. So many feels.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
