the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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