There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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