threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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