Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
