I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
