i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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