Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just google imaged poop.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
