Your mouth is God's brothel.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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