What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
