piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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