i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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