You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
