In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
