ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
