Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
