wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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