Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
