he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
