Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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