Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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