he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
