so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
