Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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