I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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