She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
