I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
