I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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