you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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