I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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