Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
