dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just fell off a train. Bad.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
