I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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