My sheets look like a crime scene.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
