I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
