I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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