no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
