don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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