can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
