What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
