Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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