dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
