NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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