I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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