dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
