I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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