i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
