At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
