I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think I sprained my soul last night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
