3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize