At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
