You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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