my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
50% drunk capacity currently
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
